My morning at Orangetheory Fitness in Bloomington, Indiana:
Alarm goes off at 4:59am
Brain: Alarm! Alarm! Get up!
Protective Layer of Fat: Hit the snooze! Get back in bed!
Dog: Gotta pee! Gotta pee! Gotta pee!
Cats: We’re starving!!! Feeeeeeed us!!!!!!!!!
Brain: Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee!!!
Heart: Yeah, up and at ’em! Gettin’ in shape! Transformation Challenge, Day Two!
Brain & Heart: It’s Orange Everest Day!!!
PLoF: WTH! You hate incline days. Get back in bed! Snuggle the dog! You need me to keep you warm. It’s still winter outside!
Caffeinated Brain and Heart, ready to embrace the day, head out the door to OTF
Brain: Yeah, let’s do this! Head to the treads!!!
Heart: Let’s do this!!!
Coach Motivator: Okay, it’s going to be a 3G day, today! Treads only have 14 minutes on the mountain!
Brain & Heart: Yay! 3G!!!
Coach Motivator: Okay, 2% incline, joggers and runners at a push pace! We’re going to go up Everest to the top and then we’ll work our way back down!
Brain & Heart: We got this!
Coach Motivator: Let’s go to 4% in 3, 2, 1…
Brain: We got this!
Heart: Hello, Orange!
PLoF: Um… we’re only a couple minutes in here…
Coach Motivator: Alright, 6%!
Heart: Holy crap!
Brain: We’re good!
Coach Motivator: Treads we’re moving up that mountain! 8%!
Coach Motivator: Bend into the hill. Eyes up!
Brain: Eyes up! She’s talkin’ to you. Eyes up! Wait, is that Donna Summer on the soundtrack? Yeah! “Lookin’ for some Hot Stuff, baby, this evenin’!”
Heart: “I need some hot stuff, baby, tonight!”
PLoF: Disco is Dead.
Coach Motivator: We’re going to 10% now! You are stronger than you think!
Brain: I am! I am stronger than I think! We’re climin’ Everest!!!
Heart: Um, Brain, maybe we should take the speed down a bit more….
PLoF: You’re gonna give Heart an attack, Brain!
Coach Motivator: Treads look great!
Brain & Heart: We look great!
Coach Motivator: Treads to 12%
PLoF: Bite me, Coach M.
Heart: Oh, crap.
Brain: Okay, okay, let’s walk a little bit.
Coach Motivator: We’re going to the top of the mountain! 15%!
Brain: Just keep movin’! We can do this….
Heart: Okay, Brain… What’s this song?
Brain & Heart: “Wake me up when it’s all over! When I’m wiser and I’m older…”
PLoF: It does have a catchy beat…
Brain & Heart: We got this!!!
Coach Motivator: We are going down the hill now! Back to 13%!
Heart: Okay, we’re over the hump!
Brain: Yeah! C’mon Heart, let’s start runnin’ again!
PLoF: You know, technically, we are NOT going downhill. We are still going up, just at a slightly lesser incline. Slightly! I thought you guys were college educated!
Brain: You know, Protective Layer of Fat, I think you’re right…
Heart: This is still hard.
Coach Motivator: Going down to 11%
PLoF: What have I done to deserve this? I feed you chocolate and beer and all you want to do is get rid of me? Where’s the love??
Coach Motivator: We’re heading down that mountain to 9%!
PLoF: This ISN’T down! It is still an INCLINE!!!
Brain: Oh hush, Protective Layer of Fat. It FEELS like we are going downhill now!
Coach Motivator: As we go down the hill, see if you can up your speed!
Heart: Let’s not get crazy, Coach Motivator!
PLoF: Coach Motivator has no PLoF! If she ever had any, she murdered it! “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!”
Coach Motivator: 7%!
Brain: Yeah! Let’s up the speed.
Heart: Um… okay…
Coach Motivator: 5%! You are so much stronger than you know!
Brain & Heart: Yes, we are!!!
Brain: Is that MJ playing?!
Heart: Yeah, Michael!!!
PLoF: You two are so 80s…
Coach Motivator: Going to 3% for one minute followed by a 1 minute all out at 1%! You are almost there!
Brain: C’mon we can do this!
Heart: Easy on that speed, Brain!
Coach Motivator: 1%! One minute all out!!! See what you’ve got left in the tank!
Brain: Yeah! Let’s do this! All out!!!
Heart: Um, tank is runnin’ low. A minute takes a while…
Coach Motivator: 30 seconds!
Brain & Heart: 30 seconds?! We can do ANYTHING for 30 seconds!!! Up that speed!!!
PLoF: Help me! I’m meeeeellllllttttting!!!
Coach Motivator: Okay, treads to rowers; Rowers to weight floor; Weight floor to treads!
Brain & Heart: Yay!!!